**Vivienne**

WTH i really cnt stand it le..

its like i everyday will see u in school but i just cnt do anything to it.

its not that i dun wana really care at all but it seems that i cnt control myself..

firstly i think that im getting biased, i am looking at u with tinted lenses =x

i feel guilty for being so, but what can i do?

i just din wana let people know n the more i dun wana let people know,

the more fake i think n feel n realise that i am.

this is so terrible, i feel so evil.

u may not know that i am referring to u or wad

but i just really wana get this thing known =x

we have been hanging out together for like almost everyday

but sometimes it may be better to avoid each other.

its abit too many a times we get tgt so things may feel n seem different..

Sometimes words that i say can have two sided meanings.

if u see it in the superficial point of view,

u wud never understand wad n why i am liddis;

on the other hand if u fully understand wad state i am in,

u know exactly wad i am saying n why i feel so.

there are of cuz people who knows of what that has happened to me,

but well if not i post this for wad?

for those that i never told,

i cnt n i dun wana say.

its just contradictions in life that makes me think soo much.

it truly hurts so much thou i cnt n i dun wana do much changes to it.

i may have to choose to accept the fact of what that is going on but who knows,

life is not a torture but it loves to trick n bring agony!!

sometimes i ever thought if it wud be better if i never tried to find out or get closer..

however, i enjoyed the happy times that we had,

but see what that has happened.

it may seem ok between both of us n i doubt u felt any much difference.

but for me it is completely different!

the feelings had changed.

i know that i am always concurrently contradicting myself but its just due to what?

its like the passion n thoughts that causes these dilemma in me.

i thought that it might be better when we din know anything.

but its totally impossible.

ridiculous of me to have thought of that

just being down right crazy,

sometimes, i will really wana plead u to just steer out of my way..

but it is just totally impossible for me not to see u sia...crapp larh

n i just cnt help but feel so irritated by u sometimes..

u oftenly come at the wrong timing, thats all that i can say..

i noe that u care, but i rather some personal space somehow, since its a prob between us..

or mayb its not ure prob its mine..

think i haf oredi told u how indecisive n how easily affected i am,

now that u see the following results i suppose its me again

the evil in me is trying to get its way out of me but i oredi tried to stop n supress it lerh

nth else that is useful of methods are left i think.. sad to say..

its just wholesomely my prob n i noe it..

it has always been my mind for long,

n i oso eva told u abt my *special* mind..

it just seem that wadeva that i think or imagine of just sorta come true.

just in a matter of time..

i dno if i find that i will be better with or without u arnd.

my mind is always in a whirl.

even me myself cnt understan it. how can u?

so dun assume that u can!

its sth that i hate the most!

n sometimes i just get damn pissed by u..

giving me ideas that obviously wun work n u just fairly well thot that it will do..

anger causes most of all that happened.

but i admit that i do haf my own probs.

so if u cnt stand me den i think forget it.

thou i think it will be like oni 10 more mths before we part..

i dno if my thoughts will still remain the same or not but anyways,let me take it one step at a time..

anyting that may happen, it will oni last for another 10 mths..

its not very much, nor its a very short tym.. i haf been saying this.

but it will make a great change in the world that is gonna be n will cause great impacts on our lives.

i realise that clinging on to past do not work n it oni makes matters worse,

since my results haf been dropping to the pits. therefore i shall just tell myself not to think so much

i suppose i shld start to learn the ppl of ancient china, everything is to be of 君子之交

meaning that things shldnt bt put so close to my heart. just dun think n feel so much for everyone around me..

but does it mean of being less friendly?

it may be a method of self protection, but on the long run will haf a negative effect too!

so what shall i do exactly i am oso not very sure..

but now all that i can say is that i wana just give up...

thats all for the time being n at least for today..

&sometimes its better not to know so much..its a sad thing..

/onthervergeofgivingup/

~Supression = Depression~  

**Vivienne**